Download MOG-2006-05-14.mp3 (Click to listen)
I was running late today. I had ignored the alarm—twice. I didn’t even take time to say my daily prayer. I showered in record time and rushed to put on makeup—not sure I painted the right things the right colors—even my lip gloss tasted a bit strange. I hurriedly twisted my hair into a bun and tied it securely. Fortunately, I had my clothes hanging conveniently in the front of the closet and ready to go. The stop lights were good to me. I instinctively said a prayer as my car slipped uneasily in front of a Wal-Mart truck on the Sixth Street Bypass. I was fast enough---but just barely. I got to work on time--even had time to spare before the big presentation. I used those fleeting minutes to relieve myself and blot the beads of glistening color---a.k.a makeup sweat---courtesy of an ill-timed hot flash. Finally, it was my turn at the podium. It was memorable...I got a standing ovation! I was bathed in compliments on my research and unique presentation style. I learned three things today:
- In a large auditorium filled to capacity, it's the small things that matter most—such as a four-foot strip of commercial strength toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your three-inch Aigner pumps.
- Sweeping your hair into an updo using only the severed leg of taupe colored pantyhose makes a subtle, yet noticeable, fashion statement.
- In a pinch, personal lubricant makes very effective lip gloss.
Note to self: Daily prayers...every morning...no matter what.
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