The Presentation

Download MOG-2006-05-14.mp3  (Click to listen)

I was running late today. I had ignored the alarm—twice. I didn’t even take time to say my daily prayer.  I showered in record time and rushed to put on makeup—not sure I painted the right things the right colors—even my lip gloss tasted a bit strange. I hurriedly twisted my hair into a bun and tied it securely.  Fortunately, I had my clothes hanging conveniently in the front of the closet and ready to go. The stop lights were good to me. I instinctively said a prayer as my car slipped uneasily in front of a Wal-Mart truck on the Sixth Street Bypass. I was fast enough---but just barely. I got to work on time--even had time to spare before the big presentation.  I used those fleeting minutes to relieve myself and blot the beads of glistening color---a.k.a makeup sweat---courtesy of an ill-timed hot flash. Finally, it was my turn at the podium.  It was memorable...I got a standing ovation! I was bathed in compliments on my research and unique presentation style. I learned three things today:

1. In a large auditorium filled to capacity, it's the small things that matter most—such as a four-foot strip of commercial strength toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your three-inch Aigner pumps.
2. Sweeping your hair into an updo using only the severed leg of taupe colored pantyhose makes a subtle, yet noticeable, fashion statement.
3. In a pinch, personal lubricant makes very effective lip gloss.

Note to self: Daily prayers...every morning...no matter what.